i want to be model leh...

title: I want to be model leh...

haha... 999 out of 1000 ppl will say.. I can dream on... the only 1 person who did not say dream on, ask mi to go and die... haha.. no lah.. the only 1 person will comfort mi.. tell mi.. "nv da shi ba bian" it means, when a girl grows up, she will change alot (for the better lah).. lalala..
I grow up liao mah.. but like the older I get the more ugly I become leh.. how?

Since young, my parents either think I am ugly or think I am fat.. I was brought up with low self esteem.. when I reach pri 5, I had a crush on this cute guy.. he was tall, dark.. & most of all.. he is so cute!! :p his name is.. should I say? Okay.. his name is Colin Tung Zhi Xing.. the chinese part mayb got misspell.. :P He was not the best looking.. he was not the smartest.. he was not the cutest either.. but he caught this (point at mi) ugly girl's attention.. anyway.. I kinda "found out" where he always goes after sch.. which I thought was his home.. & wrote a letter & sent to his “home”.. it's his uncle house actually..

That guy, rejected mi in the canteen, when I was buying food. When everyone was ard.. when every single f*cking person was looking at me. He was standing so far away from mi.. shouting at mi. telling mi.. he does NOT like me.. it was the first big hit for mi.. I did not cry, I smiled.. I was alright.. I was still happily talking to my friends.. & i was feeling a little thing tear inside of mi.. I wonder if it’s my heart.. I touch it, it’s still beating.. haha.. the poor mini mi.. I bet none of my friends felt that.. FYI, I knew Colin in nursery & met him again in pri5. & I joined table tennis for him. (the height of table was like at my neck? & I was the only girl with my bestfriend Laska. :p) haha.. anyway.. after he “reject” mi, I studied veri hard, & top the class… but pri 6 I slacked a lot.. psle did veri badly.. only got 225... A A A* A.

Yupz.. what does this "histoy" got to do with my title? Haha.. I had it glued in my mind.. I must really be too ugly.. that is why he does not like mi.. I was the worse in dance, worse in singing, worse in soccer & den I am so damn ugly.. I felt like a loser all my life since then... Plus the fact my parents think I am ugly too.. I was not the princess I hope to be.. *tears drop*

Secondary sch was not half as good as primary school.. I had a couple of ppl whom I called friends.. and they left mi one by one.. Even got back-stabbed.. I really feel so bad.. My only way of feeling good was sports.. I feel good when I play any kind of sports.. but there’s no alone sports. So I was out. Again, I failed.. as a person.. I felt I totally failed.. relationships gone haywire.. & with exams coming.. I felt like the stupidest, ugliest, idiot on earth.

Before exams.. I got to know my current bf.. I thought he would not be the one.. cause I did not feel that strong for him.. perhaps I was so sick of failing.. & I have total zero confidence in anything I do anymore..

9 months later, I was a "changed" girl.. I am changing my wardrobe.. slowly.. from fat kids wear.. to all the "sexy" appeals? Haha.. my mum was the one who gets mi stuffs to wear.. & she perception of mi is a fat young girl… everything she buys, it's for kids… so I buy my clothes myself now.. hee.. and I am pretty happy with what I have bought so far.. :) oh.. and i am happy to have my boiboi now lah..

so now.. I have a wish.. that is to be a model lah.. haha.. but first.. I know I must concur a lot of things..

1) lose more weight..
2) hair grow a little longer..
3) teeth whitening & mayb try straightening my teeth?
4) Make my nose smaller (by pinching it?)
5) How to make my eyes nicer?
6) Get rid of all those juke on my face forever
7) Most impt.. grow another 20cm by 2006.


Haha.. sounds mission impossible? So.. I guess I will just have to face the fact that I will never be a model & I will always stay this ugly.