I'm a confused pig.

I'm a confused pig..
somehow someway.. I can't decide what I am.
I can list out so many of my bad qualities (those I can see).
& even darling can list out many many flaws... (those he can see)...

Mainly. I want touch on something I have kept inside of me for sometime..
I'm concerned about friends. or rather.. the lack of it...

I wonder if I'm one of those losers who doesn't have any close friend at all..
(no offence to those who thinks they are losers) :p

I thought.. If everyone has at least 1 close friend... why can't I at least have one?
Am I too bitchy?
or make too many mountains out of molehills?
Grrrrr.... Am I really that bad?
That none wants to be more than just acquaintance?

I have lots of contacts that never contacts me.
That is how friendless I am.

I never thought myself as a freak.. geek.. or whatever..
I thought I was rather normal.. doing my own stuffs.. and have my own kind of sarcastic humour... sometimes overly lame..
And I know.. sometimes..
My sarcastic remark is totally NOT welcomed in this beautiful pathetic world..
(pathetic is to be used on bad people.. beautiful, on nature lah..)

Not everything I say it's with sarcasms in it..
If everything sounds sarcastic to you. I don't mean it really..
It just comes out of my stinking mouth sometimes..
even darling missunderstood me..
(poor comunicating skills)

I agree that I am stubborn..
and sometimes seemingly have big actions for small stuffs...
what is small anyway? Even a tiny needle can kill...
I do agree sometimes I exaggerates a little to get the point across..
but I've been trying hard to keep my mouth shut..

I have been crapping here for an hour.. and I'm doubting that anyone would care about this post..
too usual..

I just hope.. someday...
I can find that few special Closer friends..

At the meantime... maybe I should go ahead and get into some communicating course? or something?

oh.. one last thing..


I am missing Miss Sim K.
If you know who she is..
Please let her know I miss her lots..
and hopes to see her again..
Although she might have moved on long ago.. and have half the world beside her..

I still hope to meet up with her.. drink some tea, take some neos together.. and reminisce the friendship we once had...
I thought it was all beautiful, until I ruined it myself..

If you're her.
I would like to apologise and say,
I'm really very sorry.
I was crazy. I was mad.
we were different. not the closest. but yet the worse kind of things happened to us..

Finally I see the problem was with me.
I was jealous. I was down.
even the clown can't pull a smile..

I'm going to write a short song just about us..
and hope one day.. when we do have to meet again.. you'll see..
just the two of us.
we can't be good again.. but mayb a hug would make me feel more in peace..

a sin to have done, all the bad I have done.

full of regrets
UglyFatChick.
(11am)