Comming out of my shell : Long post.

Recently, I was "hit" by a series of events.
They might seemed small, but these are the little matters that builds up and cause my breakdowns.

Today, I came face to face with a teacher. Wanted badly to get out of the CCA I was in.
I had a reason.
I need the time to study. & I feel damn stressed.
(There is another reason, I am too lazy to be commited to anything that having nothing to do with life & death.)

She comes up with some reasons to make me stay.
eg. (I should not have come to this sch if I am retaking O's.)
(It's only 3hrs a week.)
(I MUST be able to juggle the load.)
(Those who study 10hrs might not produce better results than those who studied 5hrs only.)
(& she repeats.. what she says at least 3x?)

That is like so unreasonable? :(

I stay very far away from school. My last lesson ends at 12, if I go straight home, I should reach by 1plus. CCA only starts ard 1plus and ends at ard 4plus. By the time I reached home it's ard 6plus. (5hrs!) I bathe & have dinner and it's time to rest again... I spend too much time travelling everyday and I do not want to waste my Friday, waiting for CCA to start. and goes home stressed up & tired. It's sickening.

I know it's my fault.
I shouldn't have joined that CCA.
But how would I know that there will be so many projects that needs so much of my attention?

I should have been more strong and told her right away that I want to quit on Monday!
So I was scolding myself.
Why am I so weak?
Why am I so stupid?
Let her trick me into saying that I will go for CCA twice.



I've decided to look at myself.
What is wrong with me?

I found a place.

I just sat there and tried to "understand" myself again.

I snapped some photos to share here.

My turf. wahaha..


anyone can find this in sch? heh heh heh..


YES. This is a goalpost.


I like the place. Sunny but windy at times too.


I like the shelter thingy. reminds me of the times in primary school.
When we do projects. and use ice-cream sticks to make the roofs of whatever house.. haha..


They are painting this thing red!

I let everyone see me weak and all.
My attempts to be a good girl were made fun of.
Being pushed just because I wanna be "nice".

I've thought about it.
I wanna come out of that cover.
After so many years of hard feelings stored inside me.
It's time I climed out again.

I had this post titled mi = Xia Xue?

"You are a goddess/god. You've got the looks, the brains and the body. You have such an irreverent sense of humour, people listen to you religiously and worship the ground you walk on. On the other hand you can also be straightforward, blunt and very very controversial. That has the potential to offend many people, but of course you don't care, you just shoot. In the end, people either love you or hate you. Nothing in between."

Yes, that's it.
I'm going to be proud of myself.
I'm going to love myself.
and love those who are worthy of my love. :)

I will do things that is fun.
Things that I like.
Things that I enjoy.
Things of my interest at my own pace & time.

I choose to help those worthy of my help.
and ignore those jerk/bitch who seriously needs a brainwash.

I feel like a superwomen today.
Bow to me people.
Bow to me.

Woohooo.. :)