Zi Lian 十连拍 (10 + 1 shot)

This is "inspired" or some would say copied, from Daphne's 十连拍.
Super bo liao and anyhow take de.

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Zero.




All together.


I'll probably do another one when I change hairstyle. :p
Lalalala~

Memories (Photos + loads of words)

If you're the easily jealous type, please do not read on.
If you don't really like me, please do not read on.
If you think you know me but actually don't, please do not read on.
If you are not sure if you really do know me, please do not read on.
If you feel that I'm writing rubbish, please do not read on.
If you feel that after reading you will hate me, please do not read on.
If you think I sound like an old hag, please do not read on.
If you think you'll skip this part and read on, please do not read on.
If you think I'm stupid, please do not read on.
If you hate reading about other people's life, please do not read on.
If you hate reading chunks of words, please do not read on.
If you think as much as I do, please do not read on.


But if you sincerely wants to share my joy. please carry on. :)




29 January 2008 - Our three and a half anniversary.

I decide to put some photos together without using the collage button.
Using paint, I patiently re-size all the selected photos and carefully placed and position the photos in the black box.





Young and Playful 2004 - When I met Defector in 2004, both of us were still young.
We were always "hopping" around and I really missed those days where we would cam-whore at void decks nearby my place and even on cabs. :) Pardon our craziness. :P




Sweet and Lovely 2005 - Things got a little messy cause I didn't have things to do for more than half a year. No school, no friends, no pocket money. I helped out at my father's stall and he didn't pay me. But at least there's food everyday. Some days I just stayed home and rot. Lots of arguments later, it's finally time for me to go back to studies.
As they always say, rainbow or was it sunshine after rain? I'm really thankful for the second half of 2005. =)

*Miss my ITE classmates and teachers and some schoolmates too*




Growing Together... 2006 - We did more things I supposed. hahas. because I wanted extra pocket money, I decide to work at his friend's newspaper stall. His friend like pay 1 person got 2 person work. :P After a while it got a little tedious, as the stall is really far away from my place and somemore the stall was changing boss. I miss the $3 neoprint machine at Great World, cause got wind one. hahas. and not to forget my first paid makeover, the one where he had to take out >10 pins from my hair when I reach home. oh.. and we went on our first trip to Malaysia. :)




Busy but Meaningful 2007 - So many things happened in two O O seven. I graduated from ITE, didn't get into poly, couldn't find proper work. That few months was super miserable. I was looking for jobs every single day, but no one wants to hire me due to my limited sales experience and zero office experience. No work, no pocket money and all my friends were either busy with studies or work. I used up 90% of all my savings in my back account. All the angpow money and edusave awards money all gone. I was starting to feel really depressed again especially when Defector kept pushing me to find jobs, he doesn't believe that I can't find jobs and kept saying that I'm not trying hard enough or I'm too fussy. :( But things finally got better when I got a 1 month temp sales job at Robinson. Then I found another office job right after the 1 month sales job finishes. I've been in that office as a temp since then. Many many many low moments in 2007 but I'm glad to have survived. I'm glad that our relationship have survived too. We "as a couple" almost died a couple of times but I believe, it's through all these that we're stronger now.



How will 2008 be? Will things be better or worse?
Will I get into poly?
Will we get to celebrate our 4th anniversary?
Will I lose weight?
Will he be so busy working that he'll be married to work rather than me?
Will I stop spending so much and start saving up?
Will I grow taller? (one can dream can't she?)
Will I be prettier? Like the next Asia top model or something? :p
Will I become the next blog princess? or the next blog auntie?
Will jiejie Stephanie, Jennifer and Karen miss me? :)
Will I study hard?

Hugging my memories,
good or baddies,
they make me grow,
they make me glow.

The ever silly uglyfatchick.

Thanks.

To : Nemesis, +~*hUi sh@n*~+, Nonnie King, Donny the passerby, Ah BeR bElInDa, Samantha, Kyla & Jas..

Thanks for the comments and support.
I didn't expect all of you to "turn up" and leave me such positive comments.

THANK YOU!
*hugs*

Haven the slightest clue on how to reply to all your comments 1-1. So I'm replying as a whole to all of you. Hope you all don't mind ah... :p


Those who know me long enough, would know that I seldom tell them when I fight with Mike (defector), or what we fight about. It's easy for everyone to assume that we never fight or scream at each other, or slam door, or shout at each other in pubic, or even walk away.

So it took me quite a long while to type out that entry. Many hours were spent because I cannot afford to give the wrong idea out to anyone. It's quite scary really. It took me many days to think over if I should blog it out.


When the entry got too long, I had to add in "spices" or what some of you call it "funny/lame stuffs", because I don't want this entry to be just another boring whining session. I want it to be in my blog for a long long time.. I want to see it when I'm no longer young, and then I can laugh at myself.


By the way, Mike wants me to tell you all that we're slowly recovering, and thanks for all your support.


So I was saying.. this "episode" really woke me up.

I realise I still don't know what LOVE is.
Do I love him? Am I sticking to him because I'm too used to him? or Do I love him, only because he loves me???

Does forgiving = Love?
Does understanding = Love?
Does caring = Love?
Does sacrificing = Love?
Does having sex = making love?
Does supporting = Love?
Does trusting = Love?


I'm curious. I want to know what love is.
Do I love myself?
Could love be lost over time?

It's stupid. because after so many years I suddenly ask something like this.

ZL September 07

It's been a long time since I last post collage of my Zi Lian photos.



I should do this more often.
So my readers will not forget me. *acts cute*

By the way, I cut my own fringe this time round so it's kinda weird looking lah.
Finally bought the batteries for my eyelash curler, (4 energizer AAA batteries cost $6.10! *faints* If only I weren't in a rush to get them.. *sighs*

Let's hope I'll look good enough for the camera tomorrow. *flash silly smile*

nicknames..

Before uglyfatchick was penguin. =)




LOOK! It's me!!!



The huge one, not the small one I gave shaxiaomei and Shan.. =p

and of coz.. some of you wanted to know...
The TRUTH

Stop showing off!!!

I should stop blogging about the good stuffs.
or maybe I should stop blogging all together.

but why should I stop doing something I love because people are "envy-ing" me?


Sometime ago, Miss XYZ tried to ruin my life.
My blog posts seemed to have somehow lead her to think that I lead a sweet, peaceful, wonderful pampered life. She feels that my boyfriend and I don't deserve to enjoy whatever we're enjoying now. our lives.

I know she's unhappy..
I can't teach anyone how to make themselves happy but I can tell you how I made myself happy. =)


To be happy, I work hard, really hard.

I have no money, so I went to find jobs. even if they pay me lesser than what I wanted, as long as they don't mistreat me, I would still work.

Those who remembered, 10th June was my last day as a sales associate and I worked until at night. The next morning, 11th June, I woke up super early and start work at an office in Bugis. I only had a few hours of rest.

Some people commented asked, why am I working so hard? why do I make myself suffer?
To me, it's call putting in the effort to make myself happy.

I scrim and save on lunch so that I can afford to pamper myself once in a while, on better food like salmon fish. For lunch, I normally bring my own cup noddles, sometimes even bring leftovers from dinner the day before. Leftover food, would you eat? Most of the kids my age would probably have never tasted leftovers before.

When I manage to live with only 80cents in my wallet for 4days straight, I'm very happy.
I know it makes me happy, so I don't mind eating cheap cakes and cup noodles.

see. how hard it is right?
I save the money and spend most of them on weekends when I go out with my boyfriend.
Yes you heardread it right. Sometimes I pay for my own meals but I always pay for my own shopping. I know my boyfriend doesn't earn a lot, so I use my own cash when I feel like buying anything. Almost everyone I know, thinks that I'm the kind of girl who spends parents and boyfriend money. I'm hurt. really hurt.

Whenever I say I'm broke, everyone will ask me to ask my boyfriend to get whatever I want for me. but HELLO. if I tell you I'm richer than him, would you believe? STOP thinking all girls are gold diggers. or every cute girl(me!), lives off other people!

argh. I don't care anymore. Think whatever you wanna think lah.
If you think I'm lying.. I also cannot do anything right?

Whatever it is, having money makes me happy, so does shopping. So you really got to find out what makes you happy, and start working towards it.

Nothing beats getting results for the effort you put in.

and hor.. to Miss XYZ: all couples fight lah. My boyfriend and I nearly broke up more than 5 times in the pass 35months we've been together. I didn't blog about it or never mention it doesn't mean we're all lovely dopey and always agree with each other. In fact we disagree with each other's opinion VERY often one loh..

People says 家丑不可外延.
I think it's something like that bah.
I believe that complaining to third parties whenever my relationship is on the rocks will not only not help, it'll make matters worse. So throughout the 35 months, any unhappiness I normally wait till we're alone, then trash it out with my boyfriend.

No third party involved = less problems.

oops. I got carried away. :P

Random photos of myself. :P

Tomorrow: food update. :P

work is work.

Working keeps my mind off silly stuffs.
so I love working.

Working makes me tired.
so I hate working.

Working gives me money.
so I love working.

Working leaves me little time for my family and friends..
so I hate working.

Working gives me new friends.
so I love working.

Working can be boring when I have nothing to do.
so I hate working.

Working gives me new experiences.
so I love working.

Working means I play less.
so I hate working.

Working gives me satisfaction.
so I love working.

Working is hard.
so I hate working.

Working can be fun.
so I love working.

Working means more responsibility,
so I hate working.

Working means there are people willing to hire me.
so I love working.

Working means I'm not in school, studying.
So I hate working.

Working means I'm healthy and not sick.
So I love working.

Working means no student meals. :(
So I hate working.

Working means I'm not bumming around doing nothing.
so I love working.

Working makes me feel poor.
so I hate working.

The list goes on..
but I'm too tired to think anymore lah,
You think it's easy to think of so many things after a hard day at work arh? Bleah. ;P

it's coming..

One moment I feel hurt, and then the next I feel sad/pity for another person and then I feel angry and hurt again...
I think I'm going to lose it again...
I hate this depressive feeling. Like I'm going to breakdown soon. and when it comes, it's gonna be a huge one!


I know the "symptoms".
I even know the cause this time.
I may seem fine, but only I know, I'm not.

I can joke with you and laugh with you but do you know how much hate/hurt I have inside?
Seriously.
It's coming again.
The breakdown.
I'm hoping its not as bad as the previous one. I hope I don't have to go hospital again. I hope my loved ones will support me like they did the previous time. I hope no one gives up on me. I hope I don't give up on myself.

You know it's coming when I try to distant myself, trying to make you "go away'.
You know it when I'm suddenly super angry.
When I suddenly stop crying, say nothing and I hurt myself.

It's coming! It's coming!

Happy Birthday to me.

19 year young today.
I hope for something good to happen in my life.
maybe something exciting or something fun.
something sweet and beautiful would be nice too..



I made a super long wish at 12am.
Hope it's not too complicated for my fairy LOL.


ok lah.
I blog again later bah..
not in good mood.
tatas~

Why uglyfatchick? (True story)

There was a time when I was really adorable. or at least I thought I look pretty cute.

That's 15 years ago.


As of all fairy tales, pretty childhood doesn't last...


At 7 years old, my mum gave birth to her first son, Vincent.
She had no time for me, anymore. Not even time to tie my hair in the morning, so I had hair so short that it ends at mid-ear.


At 8 years old, my mum gave birth to her second son, Kenneth.
She didn't love me no more. (at least that's what I felt).
She scolds me for everything and anything, and everything seems to be my fault.


At 9 years old, my mum gave birth to her third and youngest son, Kelvin.
I really start to hate babies. They cry and cry non-stop. The youngest was the worst of them all. All of us were premature babies but Kelvin was 2 months premature so he was always sick and always crying.


At age 10, I start to do a little better in school. I felt the need to get my parent's attention.
They never seem to care about me anymore. and My mum always says I'm fat!


At age 11, I don't really eat much, but I kept growing fatter and fatter. and I had a crush on this kid in school, but he rejected me in the school canteen. I will always remember that sad feeling.
Suddenly, I'm a fat chubby unloved child.


At age 12, I felt that my new form teacher doesn't like me. She's always pulling me down. I will always remember she told my dad that I will not do well and should be happy to be able to go to a normal neighbourhood school. So I just slack, slack and slack away, while all my classmates studied their hearts out. In the end I only got 3As, 1A* (225) for my PSLE. I wanted to get at least 252 to go Crescent Girls School.


From 2001-2004:
Let the photos do the taking.





So why uglyfatchick?
Ugly - used to describe "evil thoughts" and my outer appearance then.
(nick was created for use in forum, before this blog was formed)
Fat - used to describe my well, fatness (if there's such a word. -.-)
Chick - yes, why chick?


1) Why not cat or any other animals?
My previous nick was (baby)penguin since penguins are birds, I naturally want my "new" nick to be associated with young feathered animals.

2) Why not duck?
Because ugly ducking became a swan, and as for me, I don't foresee myself becoming any swan or peacock or whatsoever one day.

3) Chick represents cute, young and vulrenable.

4) Chick also stands for girl. (eg hot chick.)

5) Chick is like the short form for Christina. =)

is there anyone you know who [acts cute] as much as I do?

2004 uglyfatchick

Okie. I've compiled some of the photos.
made it into a short 2 mins clip.

Click on play,
then click on pause,
then wait for it to load.
When it finish loading, then click play again. =)

245 photos of me.

Update on my previous post: I just learnt something new. Whether she acknowledge me as an acquaintance or a close sister, it doesn't matter. I don't have to treat someone one way just because she treats me that way. I still can treat her as a good friend.

Not a need for people to reciprocate feelings/actions. Thats true sisterly or any other love.
___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Today I went crazy with my old digital camera and took 245 photos of myself in the same few poses that I know of.
Now I'm deleting those WEIRD ones, BLURRY ones and UGLY ones. I'm expecting at most 25 photos left after I'm done.

Will update again after I finish deleting.
-It's 3.30pm now.


11.15pm
hahas. I just finish deleting and editing the photos. so happy with some of the results. =)
Left 28 photos.
Wanna see the originals or edited ones?



The original mes. (28)




The edited mes. (26)



I'm a happy little chick. =)