Yesterday, I nearly died.

Nope, it wasn't an accident.
Nope, I wasn't dreaming.
Nope, I didn't die lah.
Yes, it was a mistake.
Yes, I had thoughts of suicides.
Yes, it's reality.

I'm sorry, I didn't blog.
I'm sorry, I can't tell you what had happen.
Even if you're my closest pals, sisters, friends..
My family have no clue. Please don't alert them.
I hope you're not angry.
It's not a problem that can be solved by sharing.
In fact I hope to bring it to grave with me.
So dearest (friends & family), please don't ask.

I need lots of cash.
If you really want to help me, give me cash. Donate to me.
By donate, means that I'll never be able to return you a single cent.
Please don't lend me any, I rather work for it.

I numb myself with work.
It's only during work, that I can think of nothing else.
and I need another job after this current one.
Full time job. 6 days a week. I don't want any "too-free" jobs please.
I want to work work work non-stop.


I couldn't sleep yesterday too.
I wish all these were dreams.
Nightmares that I can wake up from..
but it's NOT.


I'm sorry, I blog like that.
I know this "format" sucks but that's how I feel my life is like now.
and please don't say cheer up.
and please don't come and hug me.
and please don't call me to say you care.
and please don't tell me things will be better.
and please don't try to console me.


Because I know all these.
I'm not super depressed. Just a little sad and distracted.


By the way, I didn't kill myself.
because I know how heartbroken my family & friends will be.
so don't worry. I wouldn't do it.
Because after this, I know I'm stronger then before.
I know I am. I just know I am.

Love yah~
Have a nice day,
Christina.