Monday, August 25, 2008

Bad tempered.

I'm bad tempered.
I guess only those who are really closed to me might know my temper.
And mind you, having bad temper is not a good thing loh!

When I was still schooling, I did something stupid which nearly caused the whole class getting suspended. It's something done out of anger and I didn't think of the consequence and by the time I realised what I've done I felt bloody stupid.

Teacher tried to find out who's the stupid fella doing such stupid act. I stood up and said I did it. I was damn guilty lah. Being young does not justify that I'm not guilty for that stupid incident loh. If I did not admit to my wrong doing, I guess things could be much worse.

Then when I was a lot younger, I threw chairs at my mother. I'm not sure if she still remembers it. But I still remember I did it because I was angry at her. I even remember it happened at my grandma's place in JB. But I don't remember why I was angry though. -.-

I guess anger is something like a special medication.
When it takes over, you just do stupid things without thinking and by the time the medication wears off, you don't bloody remember what you were thinking. -.-

I hated my mum when I was young.
She's always scolding me.
Saying I'm fat and lazy.
Disallowing me to go out.
Disallowing this and that.
Always say I'm not studying.
Always using the cane on me.

I used to shout at my parents and slams doors.
When they ask me to do things, I give them black face.

Then one day. I broke down.
Because I couldn't handle stress, both in school and at home.
The need to perform well because I have to be role-model to my younger siblings.
After a failed relationship, I felt like I had no friends.
And now I wonder if it's due to my bad temper, that I don't have friends and the guy left me. -.-
I feel so bad now lah. Must be a torture being with me then.

After that incident, my mum doesn't seem that nasty anymore.
I learned to see from her point of view.
Even though there are so many times we disagree with each other..
In my heart, I know that she loves me.
It's funny, just some years back I still doubt that my parents really do love me.

As a daughter, I think I've failed.
I think if 观琦 is around, she would have been a better daughter.

Now, I try not to make my parents unhappy.
I try to control my temper.
The only people I shout at, at home now, are my irritating brothers.
And I don't remember when's the last time I slammed my door. :p

I've learned to handle anger in other ways.
Now when I'm angry, I walk away first then talk to the person when we've both cooled down.
But if the person keeps provoking me. I still tell him/her off.
I've not scream "shut up" for quite long liao. Please don't try to test my patient though. :p

And whenever I feel "mistreated" or what, I rant and gossip to my friends and my mum. :p
Of cause there are many times I feel very alone. Especially if it's things concerning my other half.

I'm not saying not to be angry lah.
Everyone has right to be angry or happy or sad if they want.
But if your emotions starts to affect the way you think too much, it's best to look for a neutral party, e.g. a doctor, a counselor or something.

I never regret admitting that I have issues with handling my emotions. Because admitting that bloody problem have helped me to learn how to control my temper so as not to hurt too many people. Especially people I love.


  1. im here.cheer up=]


    and so late already you still havent sleep !!!

  2. Thanks! hahas. You even more late than me loh!!! hahas.